Friday, September 01, 2006
Tuesday, August 29, 2006
It's been a while. Just some random thoughts.
Aug 27th was my birthday. I am slowly but surely getting closer to being 30. Not that that is a bad thing. I don't know why people think that when they turn 30, it's a death sentence or their life is over.
I still ponder within myself, "What have I done with my life?" I haven't accomplished the things I wanted to accomplish. I guess, my fear is that I am proving all the nay sayers that thought I wouldn't amount to anything right. I've always had this fantasy that when I grew up that all my dreams would come true in the full view of all the people who said I was stupid, fat, ugly, trifling and lazy. Regardless of my looks I would find the finest guy and he would want to be with me. I would have a successful business and the big house with the white picket fence and have a bunch of well behaved kids. I know everything wouldn't be Walton or the Brady's perfect but it would be good. Instead I have allowed my family to totally consume my life so much so that I'm not able to live the way I want to. I've had a long bout with depression from my teenage years til now. I have a degree and now accomplishments or successful career to speak about. No car, no house of my own, no significant other. If feels like everyone else is passing me by living their lives.
I desperatly wanted to give my father grandchildren but God saw fit to take him home. I am glad my father isn't in pain anymore, having to go to dialysis treatments, grandmaul seizures, heart attacks and all the other health issues he had. I know he is in a better place but the thought that he wouldn't be able to walk me down the isle when I get married, hold, play or spoil to death my or my siblings offspring makes me feel a little sad.
I'm not trying to sound like a victim or poor little old me. It just seems like I have the worst luck. I know God didn't bring me to this low point for me to stay here. There is something for me to learn, to see, to understand. However right now I feel like I have been in this trial for a long time and I want to come out. It doesn't feel good being in this place where I am right now. I'm praying for upliftment and for things to be better.
I still ponder within myself, "What have I done with my life?" I haven't accomplished the things I wanted to accomplish. I guess, my fear is that I am proving all the nay sayers that thought I wouldn't amount to anything right. I've always had this fantasy that when I grew up that all my dreams would come true in the full view of all the people who said I was stupid, fat, ugly, trifling and lazy. Regardless of my looks I would find the finest guy and he would want to be with me. I would have a successful business and the big house with the white picket fence and have a bunch of well behaved kids. I know everything wouldn't be Walton or the Brady's perfect but it would be good. Instead I have allowed my family to totally consume my life so much so that I'm not able to live the way I want to. I've had a long bout with depression from my teenage years til now. I have a degree and now accomplishments or successful career to speak about. No car, no house of my own, no significant other. If feels like everyone else is passing me by living their lives.
I desperatly wanted to give my father grandchildren but God saw fit to take him home. I am glad my father isn't in pain anymore, having to go to dialysis treatments, grandmaul seizures, heart attacks and all the other health issues he had. I know he is in a better place but the thought that he wouldn't be able to walk me down the isle when I get married, hold, play or spoil to death my or my siblings offspring makes me feel a little sad.
I'm not trying to sound like a victim or poor little old me. It just seems like I have the worst luck. I know God didn't bring me to this low point for me to stay here. There is something for me to learn, to see, to understand. However right now I feel like I have been in this trial for a long time and I want to come out. It doesn't feel good being in this place where I am right now. I'm praying for upliftment and for things to be better.
Thursday, July 20, 2006
Young, Dumb and Full of you know what.
A few weeks ago, I had a conversation with a good friend of mine. Our conversation ended up on the issue of sex education or lack there of when it comes to the younger generations. It seems like this young group of people are falling pray to some of the oldest tricks in the book. What are we not teaching our girls and boys that they fall into traps that are so blatantly apparent.
We live in an age of sexual freedom, there is so much information out there. There are certain sexual activities that aren't taboo anymore. So how is it that so many teens and young adults are so ignorant of important sexual issues. True more kids are being taught about the anatomy of the genders. Many kids are being taught what a penis is for and what a vagina is for but that's where the knowledge seems to end. These children, teens and young adults aren't getting taught the psychological or mental aspect of sex.
I know I am gonna get some people mad at me when I say this but Parents, Grandparents, Guardians, Foster Parents, Step Parents,..I wanna make sure I get everybody...Need to stop looking at teens and young adults through rose colored glasses. Adults need to understand that kids are having sex. I'm not that old but I am getting up there. I knew classmates as young as 12 were having sex. There seems to be this push to teach abstainance but only abstainance. I think we also need to focus more on protection. We can teach our kids about abstainance but we also need to teach them about protection. That means how to use a condom, what birth control pills are, and other various contraceptives. Teaching a teenager about condoms isn't gonna make them go out and have sex. If a teenager has determined in his or her mind that they are gonna have sex whether you teach them only about abstainance or not, they are gonna have sex. So why not make sure that they know how to protect themselves from STD's, HIV, AIDS, and unwanted pregnancies. We need to teach out teens and young adults about contraceptives, take the stigma or embarrasment about going and getting contraceptives like condoms. Why not teach them what psychological changes occur after sex. I did some volunteer work a few years back where I worked with a clinic giving free HIV tests on a college campus. I was truely amazed at so many people were more afraid of getting tested then having sex with someone they hardly knew. I had one student say that he knew the person he was having sex with wasn't HIV positive because "she was pretty". I had students tell me they were afaid of needles however they weren't afraid to have sex with someone they knew nothing about without a condom. How many of those that are infected with HIV, said that in the past. That is a scary thought to me.
Why aren't boys being taught how to resist certain sexual temptations. Why not make sure that our boys are ahead of the game. So whatever trick that somone tries to pull on them, they have the knowledge to get away from it. The same for our girls. There are teen fathers out there right now with children, child support payments and baby momma drama that they aren't prepared for. There are teen mothers with children, child support issues and baby daddy drama they aren't prepared for.
Women bemoan the tragedies of bad relationships. Why aren't these women teaching their sons and their daughters of what to be aware of and what to be cautious of when persuing relationships. It's like we are sending out these kids to the world blind. True we can't protect our kids, nieces, nefews, younger siblings and neighbors kids from everything but we shouldn't be sending out in the world totally blind. There are too many sexual predators; male and female waiting to hurt our kids. So Why would we send them out there unaware of the potential dangers. Sexual predators don't have to be adults there are young adults and teens out there with sociopathic tendencies and other mental issues looking for someone with low self esteem or who is nieve.
I could go on for ever and a day about all the dangers out there. There should be more initiative on teaching more than just the birds and the bees but also the bites and the stings.
We live in an age of sexual freedom, there is so much information out there. There are certain sexual activities that aren't taboo anymore. So how is it that so many teens and young adults are so ignorant of important sexual issues. True more kids are being taught about the anatomy of the genders. Many kids are being taught what a penis is for and what a vagina is for but that's where the knowledge seems to end. These children, teens and young adults aren't getting taught the psychological or mental aspect of sex.
I know I am gonna get some people mad at me when I say this but Parents, Grandparents, Guardians, Foster Parents, Step Parents,..I wanna make sure I get everybody...Need to stop looking at teens and young adults through rose colored glasses. Adults need to understand that kids are having sex. I'm not that old but I am getting up there. I knew classmates as young as 12 were having sex. There seems to be this push to teach abstainance but only abstainance. I think we also need to focus more on protection. We can teach our kids about abstainance but we also need to teach them about protection. That means how to use a condom, what birth control pills are, and other various contraceptives. Teaching a teenager about condoms isn't gonna make them go out and have sex. If a teenager has determined in his or her mind that they are gonna have sex whether you teach them only about abstainance or not, they are gonna have sex. So why not make sure that they know how to protect themselves from STD's, HIV, AIDS, and unwanted pregnancies. We need to teach out teens and young adults about contraceptives, take the stigma or embarrasment about going and getting contraceptives like condoms. Why not teach them what psychological changes occur after sex. I did some volunteer work a few years back where I worked with a clinic giving free HIV tests on a college campus. I was truely amazed at so many people were more afraid of getting tested then having sex with someone they hardly knew. I had one student say that he knew the person he was having sex with wasn't HIV positive because "she was pretty". I had students tell me they were afaid of needles however they weren't afraid to have sex with someone they knew nothing about without a condom. How many of those that are infected with HIV, said that in the past. That is a scary thought to me.
Why aren't boys being taught how to resist certain sexual temptations. Why not make sure that our boys are ahead of the game. So whatever trick that somone tries to pull on them, they have the knowledge to get away from it. The same for our girls. There are teen fathers out there right now with children, child support payments and baby momma drama that they aren't prepared for. There are teen mothers with children, child support issues and baby daddy drama they aren't prepared for.
Women bemoan the tragedies of bad relationships. Why aren't these women teaching their sons and their daughters of what to be aware of and what to be cautious of when persuing relationships. It's like we are sending out these kids to the world blind. True we can't protect our kids, nieces, nefews, younger siblings and neighbors kids from everything but we shouldn't be sending out in the world totally blind. There are too many sexual predators; male and female waiting to hurt our kids. So Why would we send them out there unaware of the potential dangers. Sexual predators don't have to be adults there are young adults and teens out there with sociopathic tendencies and other mental issues looking for someone with low self esteem or who is nieve.
I could go on for ever and a day about all the dangers out there. There should be more initiative on teaching more than just the birds and the bees but also the bites and the stings.
Monday, May 15, 2006
Darned if you Do, Darned if you don't
At work Friday, I came in a little early to work. Like I normally do. I opened up the office, logged on all the computers and prepared the office for the day. My coworker decided she was going to come in an hour late. Fine with me. The day before we had a problem with a student doing things she shouldn't be doing during a test. This student caused a bunch of confusion in the office the day before. So I thought it would be a good idea to create some forms to document incidents in the office.
The whole idea was to work on it. Pass it along to my supervisor and she would inturn pass in on to the director if she approved of my idea. However, my helpful gesture wasn't recieved that way. My supervisor called the office to see what was going on in the office. I told her that nothing was going on and I informed her of what I was doing. She told me to wait, discontinue what I was working on and that she would be in the office soon.
She gets to the office and tells me to sit down like she has something really important to tell me. She then proceeds to accuse me of "stepping on her toes", Like I am trying to one up her, take her job, make her look incompetent. Although it wasn't my intention. If I wanted to be mean spirited I wouldn't have told her what I was working on and took my idea to the director myself. It was like I was being shot down for being self sufficient. What the heck it that?! She then also proceeded to tell me that "She" wanted to be the one to come up with the forms, the ideas to pass on to the director. I was kinda in disbelief.
It's not in my nature to be mean but the older and older I get. The more I think, "it doesn't pay to be nice." If you're mean, evil and rude, at least folks will give you respect to your face and talk behind your back. If you're nice, people step on you, mistreat you, manipulate you.
This may seem minor but for me, it's like a continuous event of things that keep happening to me. Quite frankly I am getting really really tired of it happening to me.
Dear God please grant me the strength to persevere, and stay focuses. Allow me to adopt more assertive behavior. Bless me with peace of mind and bless me to be successful in my ventures.
The whole idea was to work on it. Pass it along to my supervisor and she would inturn pass in on to the director if she approved of my idea. However, my helpful gesture wasn't recieved that way. My supervisor called the office to see what was going on in the office. I told her that nothing was going on and I informed her of what I was doing. She told me to wait, discontinue what I was working on and that she would be in the office soon.
She gets to the office and tells me to sit down like she has something really important to tell me. She then proceeds to accuse me of "stepping on her toes", Like I am trying to one up her, take her job, make her look incompetent. Although it wasn't my intention. If I wanted to be mean spirited I wouldn't have told her what I was working on and took my idea to the director myself. It was like I was being shot down for being self sufficient. What the heck it that?! She then also proceeded to tell me that "She" wanted to be the one to come up with the forms, the ideas to pass on to the director. I was kinda in disbelief.
It's not in my nature to be mean but the older and older I get. The more I think, "it doesn't pay to be nice." If you're mean, evil and rude, at least folks will give you respect to your face and talk behind your back. If you're nice, people step on you, mistreat you, manipulate you.
This may seem minor but for me, it's like a continuous event of things that keep happening to me. Quite frankly I am getting really really tired of it happening to me.
Dear God please grant me the strength to persevere, and stay focuses. Allow me to adopt more assertive behavior. Bless me with peace of mind and bless me to be successful in my ventures.
Tuesday, March 07, 2006
Sex, or lack there of.
As seen on Wimp.com
At some point in my life I would like to make love, have sex, whatever folks call it these days. So difficult finding the right person to do it with. I feel like this rabbit.
Tuesday, February 28, 2006
Punk Rock.
I'm a rock music fan believe it or not. I like the high treble, the loud percussions, the drums, the guitars string's sounds. all of it. I especially get excited when I see a black rock band.
People say that Elvis was the king of Rock and Roll but people seem to have forgotten about Chuck Berry.
I especially like they style. I'm not a big fan of leather but I love the dark, gothic look, the chains, the spiked chokers, arm bands. The baggy pants, the wild colored hair. I've always like that style but I don't have the punk rock brass to take a step and dress in that style.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)