Journey through Pergatory

This month I will be officially 30years old. I have for years made plans on what I am going do to make my life better. I get on my soap box and preach about how things are going to better, things are going to change because "I" *rolling neck & snapping fingers* ain't taking no more mess!" Yeah I talk a good game but not all of my goals as far as self improvement seem to come to pass. At the most I end up farther back than I was before. Then I go throuth my phase of being depressed, sad, and upset about my situation after all, I mean come on, I got on my soap box, I preached and fussed and cussed about how sick I was about certain situations in my life. I had good intentions, I pounded my chest and stuck it out. I let my cape fly in the wind like "Superman". Well no such luck, I procrastinated, set on my butt, stuffed my face and didn't do a "datgum thang".

It's embarrassing to be almost 30 years old and not experience what most people experience at 19, 20, 21, 25, or 27 years of age. I still haven't found my goal career. I feel like I am still trying to find. I have come to the conclusion because well it makes me feel better thinking this way is "everyone comes into their own in their perspective time" There is no set timetable that a person has to accomplish these things before they reach a certain age. I have already accepted that if I have children, I am gonna be the milf or cougar mom. I'm going to be that old woman, doing things that I could have done when I was 20. I could make all kinds of excuses and some are valid but a lot of it is just me being chicken and scared to do what I need to do.

I see this part of my life as a purgatory. A purging period before I get to my paradise or to a place where I feel totally free and comfortable. There is so much I want to experience and if I experience them at 50 or 80 then so what. That is the time I am meant to experience those things.