Yes, I know it's been a long long while. I decided to go ahead an try blogging again. It's been a while and embarrassingly enough not much has changed in my life. A few things have changed. One thing has changed my love life is even suckier than it was before. I do have a career that I am muddling my way through.
I have been socially awkward my whole life. No matter how hard I try to look normal I end up looking like a Dummy for even trying. Making friends, searching for a companion, family relationships and other aspects of my life are affected by my inability to interact normally with people.
Part of me wonders if I am just destined for bad luck, and awkwardness. I was never really taught how to interact with people. As a youth I never had friends, I had bullies. As a teenager, I never had friends I had associates. The friends I did have never lasted. They always left or moved away or dumped me at the first chance to be with the popular kids. As an adult not much has changed. I still feel awkward, nervous and weird around people. Which makes for a very lonely lonely life.
I have always desired acceptance but never really attaining it. I get folks who try to change me to what they think I should be.
My love life, nonexistant thing that it is. When I do get attention it always goes for the sexual. It;s like I am not worth getting to know as a person. All I am is a walking, talking, vagina. I thought I had found someone that trully wanted to be with me but as always the rug was yanked from under me. I honestly feel like I am just being strung along like a play toy till he gets tired of me. One guy, I thought would be a real thing turned out to be a mistake. He has decided to make a drastic change in his belief system which does not coincide with mine.
Different belief systems in a relationship spells disaster. Ask my parents.
No comments:
Post a Comment